I got fired. For the first time in my life, and right before the pandemic.
Before I tell the story in more details I will give you some more information about me. I moved abroad at the end of 2018 it was something that I wanted to do for a long time, and finally I made the decision. I didn’t have any job offer, nor friends or boyfriend in this country. I was just choosing the location based on my instincts. Well, mostly based on that. After months of job hunting and rejections, I finally got an offer. It was pretty decent and the position wasn’t bad either, especially since I came to a country without knowing the language, so I considered myself very lucky. Everything went smoothly for a while, and even though I realized quickly it’s not my dream job, and for sure I don’t want to stay at the company in the very long-term, I had the time to enjoy things. For example, enjoy the safety that I have a job as a foreigner abroad and it allowed me to stay longer in my chosen country.
Now back to the story of how I lost my job.
Confession time: I was very unhappy with that job in the last months and the organization was not run well at all. It didn’t come out of the blue, even though I never had decent feedback of my performance and lack of communication with my manager, I did what I was hired for and I represented growing numbers, results in every month. But I saw what is happening in the organization and how the let people one by one without any sign, and I knew I’m not that important for them. One day around 4 pm I pulled into a conference room and told that’s my last day at work and they basically will close my position. Even though I was expecting this…I didn’t expect on that day, not in that hour and not like that way. Despite all the fact how unsatisfied I was with that job, and how much I wanted to leave it…it did hit me. It felt sucks. It made me feel question myself, my capability, and a bit of my position in my current phase of life. Since I never get fired before it was a whole new experiment, and I think most of our heads it still something when we assume that the person was underperforming and/or screwed up big time. Of course, it can be true in some cases, but in my case, it wasn’t like this. I was able to see the situation very clearly and able to communicate before and after with other colleagues to hear and understand other points of view.
What I started to feel after they let me go was grieve. I had to give myself time to grieve the loss: my daily routine, the sense of purpose to get up in the morning, the safety and the certainty, the interaction with people at the office. 3 days after I got fired, the lockdown because of Covid-19 started. Everything became way more uncertain, a lot of companies started to freeze the hiring, and I felt even more lost…What now?
I still don’t know. It’s almost two months since I got fired and still no job offers. But I decided to not worry about it 24/7. I’m among one of the lucky ones who has government support and some savings so I know I’ll be fine for a while. And I’m fine, sometimes I worry and have some negative thoughts, but it’s just a phase and most probably I will lose my job again one day, or experience some kind of similar uncertainty.
I stay prepared. That’s the best I can do.